Ruth is a full-time writer. Foodie. Happy camper. Wanders a lot. Used to have the worst taste in men. A reformed swipe-a-holic. Reviving her blog after its death.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
How to properly kiss my grandma (and how to win over the rest of my family).
An instruction of etiquette for Patrick when he attended our grand family reunion in Iloilo last May 17.
1. Pucker up. Our family doesn’t go for half-baked kisses which you do when you brush your cheeks against the other person’s cheeks. When we kiss, we make the perfect “Ohs” with our mouths and when our lips touch skin it makes a smacking sound.
2. Hug tightly. There are no sissies in the family. Hugging is something to be enjoyed and relished. Since you’re new to the family, it’s okay if the hug doesn’t last for more than five seconds. In the future, when my family stops looking at you with suspicion make sure that your hug lingers.
3. Eat with gusto. Eat everything that is offered to you. We are not you’re typical probinsyano who gives the best food on the table to the guest. We are the opposite. We give our children the best chicken parts. During fiestas, my Lola does not serve the fruit salad even to the most distinguished guest. She doesn’t care if you’re the mayor of the town or you hold an important position in a company.
Her grandchildren are her distinguished guests. If she takes out something from the refrigerator and she said she made it, eat it. Tell her that you like it. If you didn’t, shut your mouth and chew your food. You’re lucky she even made the effort to share it with you.
4. Act interested. When my Titos and Titas talk about their day at work, whether it’s as mundane as raising chickens and pigs or as important-sounding as running an electric company make sure you ask questions. They like to share what they have achieved.
5. Wake up early. Our children will be excused to stay up late and we are not exactly expected to toil the soil. However, we are expected to walk around the farm and inspect every fishpond and dams, every orchid planted, every new renovation made in the house.
6. Love them unconditionally. They will be weird and dysfunctional. They can be mean and horrifying. But once they considered you as one of us, you can be assured of undying loyalty and support from every single one of them. You can commit murder and you won’t have to worry about the body. Welcome to the Mafia!
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