Ruth is a full-time writer. Foodie. Happy camper. Wanders a lot. Used to have the worst taste in men. A reformed swipe-a-holic. Reviving her blog after its death.
Friday, February 03, 2006
I always said that if I’m going to marry, I’m going to marry him.
Then, it’s a want fueled by my hormone-driven youth. Now, I know that anything’s possible in this crazy world. But I don’t want to hope.
Now, I want to run away from the strong attraction that I feel for him.
I wanted to die when I felt the oxygen being cut-off from my brain when he breathed down my neck and asked me about the guy who broke my heart. He drained the strength from my knees and I wanted to fall towards him.
I love it when he texts me messages about how I don’t deserve my heart broken, that I deserve someone better, someone who knows how to take care of me.
I feel flattered every time he tells me that he talks about me to his friends. That he would really like it if I could meet them. He said he’s very proud of me.
When he looks at me, it’s as if my soul is being stripped. It’s as if he wants to learn me so that he’d understand.
He makes me feel good about myself. He does it so naturally that I don’t feel any effort from his part. It’s like it’s that was what he was born to do.
Thanks to the jerk that broke my heart, I know the difference between loving and being in love.
I know that I’m very much in love with him. And I would really like nothing but to stay by his side and exhaust all the electricity that passes between the two of us when our skins touch.
He broke my heart before, I hope unknowingly. Yet, I always said that all the pain that I’ve been through in that heartbreak was worth it. All the moments that I’ve spent with him had always been beautiful, never detestable.
Yet, I am scared of him. I’m scared that I’m already feeling this for him. I’m scared to hope. I know that given the chance, I’d give anything so that he’ll be mine.
I know that I’m willing to work things out so that I’ll begin to truly love him. The kind of love that will make me accept his faults because everything else about him makes me happy.
The bottomline is, I couldn’t handle my heart being broken by him again. Even when he doesn’t do it on purpose, even when he makes no promises, even when he makes sure that the line is clear between the two of us.
For me, it’s a simple case of having a huge chunk of chocolate with all the nuts you could imagine displayed right in front of my face, teasing, making me drool. Yet, every time I reach for it, it’s pulled back, out of my reach.
3 Comments:
"he's not that just into you."
ouch.
-ex_groupie
http://thecheshirekitten.motime.com
aww ruthie. sana maging kayo. sana sana maging kayo. =)
lexa
i was bitten by nostalgia, that's why im here looking at how you are. The electron wind blew me here. :) hi!
- Keech
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