Sunday, September 05, 2004

Not everything I say is the truth. Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I’m happy. Just because I’m frowning doesn’t mean I’m in a bad mood. I’m not nodding my head in agreement, I’m doing it so I’ll be left alone.

I don’t respect other people’s opinion if it opposes mine. I could be polite and charming if I want, but I’ll be rude and a bitch if need be. In my universe, monosyllabic answers could mean I’m bored and I can think of better things to do than spend another minute talking to you.

I would like to think that I choose my friends well. I scrap any “reaching out” from people I can’t even tolerate and look at. I could take foolishness and vanity, but never childishness. One reason why I might hate a person is because he/she possess the very same qualities that I hate about myself.

I take pride in my work because I don’t like sloppy handiwork. I try to bring in as much optimism as I could in whatever I do, but I don’t have the patience of a saint.

When I say “I love you” I mean it at the moment. When I say “It’s over,” 95 percent of the time it’s true. When I don’t say anything, it means, one way or another, I don’t care at all.

Anytime now, I will self-destruct. When that happens, you better not be within 3-m radius.

In a book launching I attended with my officemates, I was overwhelmed with envy because I felt so much passion in most of the people inside the bar (most of them from my alma mater).

Even some of the “artists” who live up to their stereotype with their black t-shirts, rubber shoes, long unwashed hair and bead accessories seem to walk with the blessings of the enchanted beings.

Or maybe it’s just the pixie dust of college. Maybe that’s why some teachers (who really love their jobs) don’t get old. The zest of youthful exuberance is so contagious that it’s hard not to be affected.

It could also be that I’ve idealized college too much that I have forgotten that life in college is no better than my life now.