Monday, August 02, 2004
Jerry Yan, if ever you pass by my blog, I would have to confess that I have found a new subject for my obsession (although at this rate, I don’t think I will ever be normal again). I still love you, I still want to bed you, I’m still planning to permanently cover one wall of my bedroom with your face, but now you’ll have to share my heart with someone else because 90% of the time, I’m thinking of HIM.
I always obsess about if he’s getting enough rest or if he’s staying up so late or if he’s getting enough sex or if he’s skipping his meals again or if his students are giving him any headaches.
I want to adopt him, stop the clock for him, clean his desk, make his coffee, club the heads of those people who badmouth him, and bring him the softest pillow so he could finally relax.
I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop talking about him. I can’t stop texting about him. I can’t stop.
I love it when he sings because it reminds me of my tatay when he sings and thinks nobody’s listening. I love it when he smiles because his dimples remind me of how much my tatay indulges me. I love it when he’s teasing me because that’s how my uncles usually show their affection for me.
What I can’t handle are the times when he sincerely smiles at me, looks at me straight in the eye and encourages me to say something and he’s listening. Because that’s when I realize that he has become my muse, not only in writing but in everything. More than I fear of failing myself, I fear of failing him.
Because I can face failure, Lord knows I’ve faced it so many times and I survived. I can wear my happy mask and act as if nothing happened. But I can’t take it if someone jabs him in the chest and jokingly say that his students will never be good enough. You see, Jerry, I want him to be proud of me.
I wonder, can you fault me for that?
***
The past years, whenever the UST Tigers fail to clinch the championship, I never thought it was because they lacked the skills to win a game. I believed it was because they didn’t have the heart to hang on.
I’ve witnessed how their shoulders would droop if they lost the 10-point lead. I’ve witnessed their anguished expressions and desperate attempts if they got behind in double digits.
I really thought they could use a new coach, one that’s not too spoiled with too many trophies under his belt, one who’s willing to train new blood without imposing over their heads the glories of the past.
Now, the Tigers have a new coach. The buzzer beater game versus UE today proved that this year, the team has the heart. I doubt if they’ll win the championship. But who knows, maybe St. Thomas could pull off another miracle.
Still, title or no title, I like this year’s batch better than the past because this year, the ball rotates in the team. No star players, only a star team. Go Uste!
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