Sunday, October 05, 2003
I didn’t do it deliberately to hurt you.
If I did, I wouldn’t feel like I’m the worst creature God has mistakenly created.
I admit that what I did was cruel, mean and thoughtless. And I’m ashamed that you’ve suffered for my dim-wittedness. But I won’t use my stupidity as an excuse. It’s my fault, period.
I feel like I understand everything, finally. Like I now know the answers to all the whys I kept asking myself before.
I only ask you (even if I don’t have the right) to believe that you’re special to me. Very. So much so, that I could give up anything you ask of me.
I promise I won’t push you around again. I promise to make up for my mistake, even if it would mean that I should disappear from your life. Because somehow, I get the idea that the more we spend time together, the more I’ll remind you of how I hurt you.
I hope time will serve its purpose and make you forget. Then when you do, let’s start over again.
I’m sorry.
***
I’m a pig.
It began with the sinful seafood/cholesterol galore that two editors treated us, the badminton club, for lunch last Friday. Then more food in the office for
merienda and dinner, midnight snack on
J’s birthday, heavy lunch at
her house, a big share of thai in a box for dinner yesterday, then finally, a slice of pizza from yellow cab.
I expect my snout will soon sprout.
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