Thursday, May 15, 2003
He claims that he knows a secret about me that would make me happy.
I believe him.
I tried bartering, bribing, and mental torture.
He wouldn’t budge. Man, he’s tough. It’s like you’re opening a can of sardines with your teeth.
I know, it’s impossible!
Next time I see him, I’ll bring in the Iron Maiden.
***
I was feeling down at the beginning of the day when a good, good friend from college (God,
Leidy was right, it does seem a long time ago) texted me.
It was a simple SMS telling me about how I would enjoy his hometown. And that maybe we (together with our ex-classmates) should consider a retreat there.
My heart made a mighty flip-flop. I couldn’t help it.
Then we got into talking on how to cook the endangered specie, tarsier, in different ways. If I were to believe him, I’d say, it’s a booming industry in La Union.
Then when I thought the conversation would come to an end, I told him that I miss him and that I love him.
A few minutes later, he replied in kind. He also said that whatever I’m going through, he hopes I get over it, soon. No surprise. He was just being polite.
Nighttime came; I thought I’d relay a message from another “helpful” friend to him.
The last sentence of his SMS reply gave me the best roller coaster ride since Space Shuttle last December. I would have to quote this in Filipino because I’m too giddy and too short for word to translate it in English.
”Ewan ko, basta dati pa naman talagang magaan loob ko sayo eh.”
Sigh. Sigh. Another heartfelt sigh.
He’s my hero. He’s my good old friend and good ole crush. He’s the sweetest and kindest guy I know. He knows how to carry a good and fun conversation. He takes me seriously. He’s one of those few people I let near me when my guards are down. I always turn to him when my problems are too icky and mushy and downright confounding, because he’s a romantic. He’ll always be one.
No, I’m not having illusions about him and me. I’m not reading more to what there is.
But can I help it if I feel euphoric? Can I help it if I feel so much love for the humanity because I think he’s perfect? Can I help it if I think…
Nooooooooo… Effing… Way!
But you see, even in that direction, I feel so safe with him. I realized that if I ever did fall for him, I wouldn’t be afraid to admit it to him. Tell it to his face. Because he understands love. I don’t have to be scared that our friendship will take a dip. Not even then.
***
This is what happens when you feel you’re at the bottom of the barrel and the only way to sink further is to create a hole.
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