Ruth is a full-time writer. Foodie. Happy camper. Wanders a lot. Used to have the worst taste in men. A reformed swipe-a-holic. Reviving her blog after its death.
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
It’s always fun filling up CVs. Sometimes, I wonder, what if I lie… Will my potential employers ever find out?
Languages spoken I can speak French fluently, Bonjour! Moi orderi baguette. I know Italian, La Vie En Rose es fantastico eh? I have a pretty decent Spanish, Soy Ruth, Vivo en Cavite. Que tal?
Seminars attended How about this, I attended a seminar titled, “Just the Way the Boss Likes It”. It’s teaching the undergrads on how to become the perfect employee (more like the perfect zombie).
Or I was the creative consultant of Vogue Magazine. I quit because the salary of $1,000+ per hour wasn’t enough for a woman of my stature.
My special abilities include lying, sleeping all day, bathing doggies, and cooking chicken soup (and if you know what’s good for your soul, you are going to eat it).
****
Now here comes the dilemma of character reference. Who should I put there? Zhara advised me that I put a maximum of three. Number one should be a public official (if possible a policeman), an academic professor, and a friend who really knows me (just in case they really call this people up).
My economics professor once told the class that employers nowadays don’t fall for name-droppings in CVs. They don’t care one way or another if you place a name of a senator or the president. In fact, it would look good in the paper if your add a name of a janitor or some lowly staff of your school in it, shows that you know how to get along with all kinds of people from different walks of life. So what does he know?
At the top of my head, I can name at least eleven people who could attest that I’m no compulsive killer nor do I have deranged fantasies of spilling blood in the office.
Unfortunately, most of my good friends are currently on the same state as I am: undergraduate and unemployed. And resume forms do ask the Character Reference’s employment record (talk about snooping bosses). So what shall I place in the character ref? Is the phrase, “available upon request” acceptable?
***
My Dream jobs (And I know they don’t exist)…
1. Chocolate-tester – I get to eat 100 types of chocolates everyday
2. I’ll be National Geographic’s subject – They give me a HUGE salary for doing nothing. It’s part of their anthropology study. Doing that, they can answer the question: how can some members of the human race survive being cooped up inside the house for a long period of time? 3. I get paid by backpacking - They give me a specific amount, enough to survive for a month in a particular country. They give my real salary when I return here. In return, they follow me around with a camera. They shoot me while I eat some food from the sidewalk, or ask for alms because I went overboard with my budget the previous day. It will be shown in MTV, and it will be titled, “Lonely Ruth”.
4. Professional beauty pageant judge
5. Princess of Monaco
6. Wife of a Billionaire
***
For the first time in my life, my mom is not planning anything for my birthday. She will not invite some relatives to share the moment with us. She will not order cake and cook spaghetti (bummer). She will not badger my grandma to lead the infamous “Happy Birthday” song. No more parlor games. No more plastic make-up kits. No more kids asking you if and when the time comes it’s their turn to be twenty-one, will they still have a children’s party.
For the first time, after seven years, I’m actually welcoming my birthday with open arms.
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